I wrap my yarn around my pinky finger to tension in continental, and squeeze my ring and pinky together to adjust tension. It's still really dependent on weird things - like how dry my hands are! Practice makes perfect - good luck!
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If you've never seen them, there are items all over e-bay and amazon if you do a search for knitting tension ring. They are rings that you can slip on your finger which can then hold the tension for your yarn where you want it. Myself, I slip my yarn behind my wedding ring set which holds the tension pretty good. When I can't be bothered to tension that way, I just literally just hold the yarn in my left hand with a couple of fingers, no wrapping. Arnie & Carlos have a video of how they do it, and I'm similar when I'm lazy. When I started knitting continental, I too had problems holding/maintaining tension in holding my yarn, but as I've practiced, it does get better. I still can't do continental when not looking at my hands, but like the saying goes practice makes perfect. (off to investigate some of those knitting tension rings I saw... :D )